The Sun and The Moon
by silverlining.mcg
Summary: Remus and Sirius visit the Potter's destroyed house and remember the good 'ole days at Hogwarts. Remus and Sirius remember coming out, James' antics and many lost Hogwarts memories.
1. Ashes

Sirius POV

"I don't know if I can do this," Remus said, gripping my hand tighter as we made our way down the winding streets of Godric's Hollow.

There were leaves on the pavement and shadows everywhere. It was almost 5:00 am on November 3rd, three days since my two best friends in the world were- well I tried not to think about it as I held Remus' hand. I felt numb at this point, everything was small and far away. At least Hagrid and Dumbledore had Harry. Harry, another thing that was taken from us. I couldn't be his godfather while he was with Lily's sister. Thinking of all of this made my throat tighten and I thought I might punch something as we turned the corner to the town square where three days earlier Harry, James and I had walked across to by candy for Halloween. No, I shouldn't think about that either.

"Remus-" I started but didn't know what I was going to say, "Dumbledore-he took them, he took them away. I think maybe we should just see it. We don't have to stay, but I want to-" Remus stopped walking hearing my voice waver. He turned toward me and took my face in his soft hands.

"We'll do it together then," Remus said softly, but still his voice was hoarse. I nodded and we set off again. We turned onto their street and there it was. Their little cottage was mostly a shell. Everything was burned and scattered across the little lawn. One thing I didn't expect was the flowers that covered the gate and fences. They carried notes which said things like "Win this war for the Potters!" or "Rest In Peace: Lily and James Forever!" It didn't feel real, that they were gone. I couldn't get much closer to the house, but Remus went through the gate and began to look around at the rubble. Even in the dark, I could see the shoulders of his jacket trembling, crying. He didn't want me to see, we didn't want to believe it. The air still smelled like smoke and I felt a few raindrops on my head. Fitting, everything should be dark. I watched Remus poke around, his slender frame moving in the dark. The full moon was on Halloween this month, so he's stiff as he walks around partly from the moon's leftover scars and partly from the fact he's walking around the rubble of our best friend's home. He suddenly kneels down, almost falling over and I force myself closer to the house. "Remus?" I whisper like I'm going to wake something inside the house. Not anymore.

The rain really starts and I push past the gate to kneel next to him. He wraps his arm under my leather jacket and he presses his face into my shoulder. I light my wand to see what Remus was looking at. There is a note in Lily's loopy writing on top of a photo album. I recognize the album, Remus put it together for Lily and James' one year anniversary. It was full of old school memorabilia and wedding pictures. I tried to read the note but it was scribbled and running from the rain. I could make out most of it:

Dear Harry, I hope you grow up happy and cared for. I hope you find good friends like your Dad and I have, I hope Sirius and Remus take care of you. Sometimes life will be hard and I wish we could be there for you but if not, know Harry that you are loved. We love you so much. Remember that there is so much light in this world, even when it seems like there is none to be found. Live, live for us. I love you.

-Mom

I realized halfway through the letter I didn't want to read it. It wasn't for me. I just pulled Remus closer and let the rain wash over everything. The house, my jacket, Remus and I.

After a while, the rain slowed and the sun peaked out from the houses Remus lifted his head, "Why couldn't we take Harry? Did Dumbledore say why? Vold-he-he's gone." His voice faded.

I took a deep breath before answering, "His followers aren't and Peter is still missing. Harry's gonna be safer with the muggles. Peter ,however, when they find him, I swear to god I pull him apart-"

"Don't say that. You're not going to hurt him. He'll go to Azkaban or better yet have what's left of his soul sucked out," Remus paused and shook his head, "but James wouldn't want you to become a murder. I don't either. Besides, only Dumbledore, McGonagall, you and I know about Peter."

I gave him a little kiss on the side of the head, "I know. I'm not going to do anything stupid. For them."

We sat like that for a moment longer, letting the sun creep up and turn the sky pink. After another few minutes, I stand.

"Here," I say helping him up, "We should get some coffee or something."

"Sounds good," Remus attempts a shaky smile and takes one last glance at the house. I take his hand and begin walking. I can't make myself look back.

"Should we go to that coffee place Lily likes?" Remus says as we turn out of the street. He pauses and we both notice it, the present tense. Like they could pop in at any moment with Harry and we could all forget this ever happened.

I don't mention it, "Sure, do you think they sell any firewhiskey?" Only half joking. He doesn't respond, just holds my hand a little tighter.

We're almost to the square when Remus starts to chuckle.

"What are you laughing at?" I say a little surprised but glad of the distraction.

"Do you remember that Valentine's Day? 6th year? James was so keen on Lily and was trying so hard to get her to go out with him," Remus chuckles again, "And we were sneaking around."

"My god, I completely forgot. That seems like a million years ago. Remember James had broken his elbow and oh my gosh- on Sunday night he…

James rushed through the door of our dorm and threw his bag down onto his bed. "Fellas, I need your help." He wiped his glasses on his shirt and threw them back on. He had this look in his that meant only one things, fun for us and probably trouble for someone else.

I quickly lifted myself from my bed, "What 'cha need Prongs?"

James began pacing, "It's not a prank so you slow your roll. Valentine's Day is coming and I want to ask Lily out. Properly, with flare!" He jumped onto his bed, "I want her to have to say yes!"

I laughed, "Oh god James, she's got you on a leash." I joked.

"Sirius please, I really like her, "He flopped down onto the bed, "I've never done this before and-"

"Ok, I'll help. We'll all help. Remus is like proper friends with her now, so we can ask him. He'd be good at this stuff anyway."

"Speaking of Remus," Jame sat up and looked at me trying to hide a smile.

I sat down on my bed, ignoring my stomach which for some reason decided to sink to the floor, "What? What about Remus?"

"We need to get him a girlfriend. Martin said that Eliza has a crush on him," James looked at me and we both started laughing our heads off. Eliza Conway had a habit of sticking her want behind her ear and singing songs to fairies that lived in the woods. But that wasn't why I said, "Nah she's too good for him. I cannot imagine Remus with a girlfriend anyway. She'd be mad he reads too much."

James chuckled, "Probably. Hey, but what about you?" He had that stupid grin on face.

"What about me?"

"Padfoot, there isn't anyone special? Anyone you've got your eye on? No one pawing at your heart?"

Yes, there is. "Oh shut up with the animal puns," I rolled my eyes, "No, there's no one good enough for all this." I whipped my long hair around and James fake gagged.

"C'mon Pads we're should go down to dinner."

We made our way out the dorm room and went down the stairs. As we were about to leave the common room Lily walked in and for the first time in a while she was alone.

"Hey Lily!" James said a little too loud.

"James, hey sorry." She wiped her eyes and then saw me, "Sirius."

I bowed, "Princess." She rolled her eyes, but I could tell she wanted to smile.

James elbowed me in the ribs my cue to go, "Aren't you coming down to dinner? He smiled running his hands through hair and I hadn't noticed it before, but I could have sworn Lily blushed. I didn't hear her reply as I made my way out of the common room and down the corridor. I turned and bumped right into Remus.

He dropped the book he was holding, "I'm so sorry, I didn't- oh it's you," he laughed.

"Don't sound so disappointed," I smiled, "C'mere!" I grabbed his waist and pushed him against the wall which happened to be a door to a classroom. I turned the handle and pushed him inside.

"Sirius what are you-" He laughed but the second the classroom door closed I took his head in my hands and kissed him. Remus smiled into the kiss and pulled me closer. I put one hand on the small of his back and the other on his neck. Remus took his hands from around me and up into my shaggy hair. After a long moment, he broke away, "You can't just kiss whenever you want," He sighed but then smiled.

I raised my eyebrows, "Can't I?" I tugged on his sweater and he put his hands around my neck. I paused and looked into his eyes, usually they were green but now they looked grey. I gave him a light kiss and said, "The moon is tomorrow right?"

He nodded, "How can you always tell?"

"I always know, I have magic powers." I couldn't look away form his eyes.

"Ha-ha," He rolled his eyes, "Also, we've got to be careful. Not that I mind all this, but-"

"I know, I know, but how can I help it when you're so damn cute?" I put my hands around his waist.

"I'm serious," Remus took a small step back.

"No, I am," I joked wanting him to smile again. He raised an eyebrow at me. I sighed, "I know I'm sorry. I wish I could kiss you in front of everyone."

Remus nodded, "I wish we could hold hands and not jump when we hear anyone. I wish you could keep your arm around me when we're in the common room-" I let go of his waist and take his hand. "I wish we could tell James and even Peter."

I take a deep breath and try not to think about what my mom would say if I told her about Remus, "I think you're right. Sneaking around is fun but-"

"It's not the same." He nods.

"Aren't you scared," I break from his eyes, "At all?"

He pushed a strand of hair out of my eyes, "Obviously, but I wouldn't say anything unless we agreed and if I wasn't sure-"

My heart was beating hard, I could feel it pounding my rib cage. Damn it. I might be in love with him. I force myself to ask, "Sure about what?"

Remus blushed, "You, you idiot," He leaned in and kissed me gently. While he kissed me, he took my hands and placed them on his waist again. Right then the door opened behind and Regulus burst into the room. Shit.


	2. Milky Tea

Remus POV

We sat down in the tea shop and ordered drinks. Sirius a black coffee and me a tea with milk and no sugar. There were a few other people in the shop, so only mutters and the occasional chink of a glass could be heard. The waitress set down our drinks and I took a sip, milky, warm, perfect. Sirius stared down into the steaming coffee, his motorcycle gloved hands wrapped around the cup as if it was an anchor. I couldn't tell what he was thinking. Remembering Hogwarts was bittersweet, not being able to see James, Lily or- I had to admit- Peter.

Peter was something I couldn't wrap my head around. I mulled it over as we sat with our tea and coffee trying to remember any sign of the man ne would become. He was sweet, adored James and Sirius, seemed like a great listener, but was also reserved. I thought about the day Sirius chose to come out to everyone and something clicked.

"The day Regulus came into that room. It kinda began a lot, for us and James and well, Peter." I smiled, taking a sip of tea.

Sirius looked up, realizing what I meant. "It was later that week right? Just after…"

The door opened behind Sirius' back and I quickly jumped back. Sirius whipped around and saw that it was his little brother Regulus standing there, dumbstruck.

Sirius stepped in front of me, "Regulus, look-"

"You're-you're," Regulus stammered, "You're a-"

Sirius stepped forward, I noticed his hands shaking, "I swear to god Reg if you tell anyone, if you tell mom I'm gonna ring your neck. You can't say anything."

"What the hell?" Regulus sat down in a desk. After a long pause he asked, "How long?"

"That's what you want to know seriously?" Sirius almost laughed, "How long we've been dating?" They sounded far away, like I was underwater. Suddenly there was no air in the room. I sucked in shallow breaths as I watched Sirius and Regulus.  
Regulus straightened, "Yes that's exactly what I want to know! Merlin's beard you're dense, you know Remus you could do better."

"Don't say anything to him." Sirius said very quietly, warningly. I could feel my heart pumping in my chest, but not the fluttery kind I felt before Regulus walked in. This pounded against my head and I was almost dizzy, like I had just run a marathon. I remember feeling like this when James and Sirius walked in on me during a full moon. At least that ended well.

"How long have you known that you're," Regulus searched for a word that would ensure Sirius didn't punch him, "Different?"

"I was fourteen, end of fourth year." Sirius unfurled his fists.

I still couldn't breathe, "Sirius," I wheezed, "Sirius I can't- I can't breathe."

He whipped around and Regulus stood up asking, "Should I go?"

Sirius came and put his hands on my shoulders, "Reg you stay right there. Remus it's ok. Just look at me. It's just me and you" He was searching my face trying to be sure I was ok.

I forced a deep breath and then another and finally calmed down. Sirius folded me into his thick arms and let me stay there for a moment. He let me go and turned back to Regulus.

"Are you going to tell anyone?" Sirius wasn't angry, he just sounded scared.

Regulus took a moment to respond, "No, I don't think I will."

I stepped next to Sirius saying, "You don't think you will? That's not good enough. He's your brother, this is unfortunately dangerous. You have no idea-''

"Fine," Regulus swept around and he faced the door, "I won't say anything." He slammed the door behind him.

I released a breath I didn't know I was holding. I looked up at Sirius. His hair looking messier than usual and an unfamiliar look of sadness overtook him. He was never one to show what he was feeling, especially if it sad or confusing. He worked so hard to keep up the appearance of the prankster, the athlete, effortlessly cool guy who never let anything bother him.

"Sirius?" I begin, but am unsure of what to say.

"I can't believe him," Sirius swallows hard, "Regulus, I knew we was angry at me but to leave us hanging? Shit. If he tells our mother-"

"Why? What would she do?"

"Kick me out? Disown me? She's not the kind of person to hide it when you've disappointed her, god knows I've had my share of it," He pauses and sees my face face which I assume is contorted with worry, "Sorry. It's not that bad now I've got friends and at least she isn't my dad."

I nod but don't say anything. I can't imagine what it must be like in his house. Third year he came back from Christmas break, not talking to anyone, skittish, and snapped at everyone. James finally forced out what was wrong. Sirius lifted his shirt to show a patchwork of cuts, bruises and skin. I'd never seen Sirius cry or James so angry.

Sirius looks like he's remembering something similar and sighs, "We'll have to trust him not to say anything. That kid, I don't understand him." He gives me a small smile, "Let's go to dinner. One, I'm starving also we can see if James combusted after talking to Lily."

We head out and I remind myself not to hold his hand. He's right, we do have to trust Regulus and it is dangerous. _I hope James reacts well. I can't predict him or Sirius, so I might have a new dormitory by the end of the week and lost my best friends. Damn it. That would be worse than having a month of full moons without wolfsbane potion. The moon is tomorrow, I still have no idea how Sirius knew. _

We were walking down to the great hall when we heard a voice behind, "Sirius! Remus!" We turned to see James and Peter running toward us.

Sirius immediately put on his goofy smile and called to James, "Is that your wand in your pocket Potter or are you just happy to see me?"

James was beaming as he reached us, "Shove off Black, better be careful or I'll tell Snape about your undying love for him" he laughed, giving Sirius a good natured punch in the arm. I rolled my eyes.

Peter laughed along, "Nice one Padfoot." We began to make our way to the Great Hall.

"How did it go with the princess?" Sirius wiggled his eyebrows as we sat down.

Peter smirked, "James was about drooling when I walked in"

James shrugged, "She's just so-so," His eyes got wide.

Sirius laughed, "Yeah it's definitely her personality." While we all laughed, Sirius dropped his smile. It was just half a second, but the weight re-entered his eyes. I saw James watching him closely.

I poured myself some pumpkin juice, "C'mon Sirius, she's actually incredibly smart and yeah she's pretty but-"

"I know, I know," Sirius shoved a potato into his mouth," I'b juss kiddin'," He said through the food.

"Gross Black," James smiled, "Who raised you? Wolves?" Peter snort laughed and I rolled my eyes again. Another reminder of the impending moon.

Sirius adopted an old lady voice, "What did I say about the dog puns sweetheart?"

Peter began a long anecdote about potions class and Sirius laughed along, giving him grief about every little detail. This frustrated Peter immensely and it was very entertaining.

About halfway through the story James leaned his head closer to me, "Are you guys ok?" He murmured.

I shrugged, "Why wouldn't we be?" I made an effort to smile.

"Bullshit Moony," James pushed up his glasses, which is what he did when he was thinking hard, "You both are acting weird. Sirius seems like someone spiked his pumpkin juice with Joy Elixir and you're quieter than usual. Is it just the full moon?"

"Maybe someone did spike Sirius' drink. They were tired of the angst." I made an effort to draw his attention away from how heavy Sirius' eyes looked and the subject of tomorrow. James notices everything, he didn't by it.

"Remember whatever you guys need I'm here," James pushed up his glasses again, "To talk or whatever."

"Violence won't be necessary James, but still thanks." I smiled. He nodded.


	3. Old Scars

Remus POV

I took another sip of my tea. Sirius was quiet for a moment.

"I didn't know." He finally said.

"Know what?"

"That James knew something was up. I mean he knew right away. Jesus, he cared so much about us."

I finished my tea, "Yeah he really did. That makes me think of the day you guys found out I was a werewolf. I was so scared you guys would hate me or be afraid." I trailed off. Sirius knew this but that made it no less emotional for me. I was sure they would tell everyone, that I'd have to leave Hogwarts, that I'd lose them. To make it even more fun this was right after I realized I had a crush on Sirius.

"You know how that was fourth year?" Sirius smiled across the table at me.

"Yeah I do, one of the most insane years of my life."

"That's when I knew that I was into you and it was literally a week later we found out you were a werewolf," He smiled down at his cup.

"You're kidding! That's when I found out too."

"Like I always say, meant to be."

I smiled, "It was so cold the night you guys found me. I remember saying…"

"Sirius," I said, just the two of us were sitting in the common room. It was almost 12:00. "I've got a headache, I'm gonna go see Pomphrey."

He lifted his head from the pillow and took his legs off my lap. He insisted on putting his boots there while I read. Sighing he said, "You sure are sick a lot. Is something wrong?"

My stomach flipped, not because I was constantly lying to my best friends but because Sirius had no right sitting there the way he was. Shirt ruffled and mostly unbuttoned, hair unkempt, half a cigarette hanging out of his mouth. Just don't think about those feelings. You know they're not allowed.

"No, no I'm okay. My head just hurts," I smiled. The moon was close to its peak.

He took another drag on the cigarette and put it out, "Here lemme come with you, be sure you're ok. While you're with Pomphrey I can steal some Fizzy Whizbees from her office." He smirked, waiting my reply and not taking his eyes off me.

"No Sirius, that's really ok. You don't have to!" I panicked. Sirius watched me carefully, he knew something was up.

"Alright, see you later then," He gave me a quick wave a pulled out another cigarette from his pocket.

"Those things'll kill ya Sirius," I said as I left the dorm.

"Bye Remus!" He called. I could hear him laughing as I shut the door.

I made my way down the corridor. I could already feel my skin getting tight and my head really did start to pound. I went down the stairs and made my way to the nurse's wing.

I stuck my head in, "Hello? Madam Pomfrey?"

The nurse hurried out of her office, followed by Dumbledore. "Remus! You're late!" She cried.

"I know I'm sorry. There was a hold-up," I said looking at Dumbledore. He smiled knowingly at me.

"Very well, very well. Let's get going Mr. Lupin." She hurried me to a secret door that led to the back end of the school. Making our way across the grounds she froze the Whomping Willow with her wand. I began to feel very, very cold as we made our way to the shack where I was to spend the next few hours.

"Here you go son," Madam Pomfrey pulled out a chair for me and I sat down, "I'll be back at 5:00 like always." She gave me a quick smile and left the room quickly. I heard the door lock and quick footsteps moving away from the door.

A few minutes passed and I began to feel colder and my skin seemed to be stretching a too tight on my body. The headache persisted. My sense picked up, I could hear the trees rustling outside and could smell smoke. Then it really began. It felt like red hot metal was being poked into my joints as they elongated and contorted. My clothes tore. I felt hot tears spill and I hugged my arms to myself. I let out a moan and fell off the chair. God, just let it end. Let me blackout here. I could just die and not have to do this every month. But there wasn't any such kindness. There was a clawing, ripping sensation, like something large was trying to pull my skin off as fur appeared. There was more pain as each of my nails fell off to make room for my claws. My teeth felt as if they were being torn from my jaw as they grew and grew.

I lay there waiting for the worst bit. The part that made me feel un-human. I began to forget. "You're Remus! Remus Lupin! You're 14 years old and live in Liverpool! You're Remus." I cried. I heaved a sob and then I thought _who is Remus?_ I didn't know. I also didn't know why I was lying on the cold ground. Who had brought me here? What would Sirius, James, and Peter do if they saw me like this? Then I wasn't really sure who those humans were. Why was I so cold? Why was I in pain? Then all I felt was the rage, all-consuming rage. Something or someone had hurt me. I howled at first, it was raspy but then stronger and louder. I stormed around the shack, clawing at my skin and ramming myself into the walls. Staggering and scraping my newly elongated arms across the floor. I could see bits of grey wall or dusty wooden floor but there was too much input. I almost didn't feel the pain. Almost. I began to bite myself, my arms and legs, tearing them apart. It seemed like minutes or hours, at this point I couldn't tell. I clawed at the windows, howled and I think at some point broke another chair.

Then the door opened. There were two figures standing there with a light shining in my eyes. I yelped and threw myself into the corner. Two human boys were shaking and inching closer to me.

"Holy shit. James! Shit! Did it- did it get Remus?" The taller one asked.

The smaller one with strange eye markings replied, "Look at the sweater, on its back. Shit! Sirius, we have to go. He wouldn't want-" This one pushed the taller one toward the door.

I howled again, from pain and something told me I didn't want them to go. The taller one stopped and looked right at my eyes. He froze.

"James," He moved quickly toward me, "James, I think this is Remus." He squatted down and held out his hand.

"Sirius!" The other boy one came and tried to pull the first back, "I think so too, but he won't remember you! We have to go! Please! Sirius!"

He pushed the one with the eye markings off him. I took a small step forward. No one had ever done this before.

"James, look at him. I think he knows us." The boy smiled and held out his hand. I moved closer. I had seen his face before, but where? I knew the other boy too. I took another step. The boy with the eye markings squatted down too.

"His eyes are changing color," The tall one said.

I felt very warm all of a sudden. I staggered, feeling faint and just wanting to lay down. I grew warmer and warmer. There was too much skin for my body now. The nurse would be here soon and the pain wouldn't be as bad. The fur began to recede, not as painful as before. Sweating, I curled up into a ball. My teeth ache and I could feel them receding. Why was I crying? My form shrank, this time instead of burning pain there was just a feeling of being pulled. I moved my head to see the boys, my friends. Sirius and James. It was me. Remus, me, I was back. I tried to get up and force myself to face Sirius and James.

"Don't get up," Sirius came, took my head and placed it in his lap, "It's ok Remus don't move too much."

I began to sob, "I'm so sorry. I'm sorry."

James put a hand on my shoulder, "Calm down, you're ok. It's going to be fine."

"I'm-I'm a monster!" I almost screamed crying harder.

"Remus, you fold your socks. You're not a monster," James said softly.

Sirius put his hand on my neck, fingers brushing my hairline, "He's right Remus. It's ok. It's just us."

I heaved, there wasn't enough air in the room, "I am! I am a monster! I'll hurt you!" Every fear I'd had come pouring out of me, "I'll get out! I'll hurt someone! I could kill you! I'm a thing! I'M A MONSTER!" I screamed and screamed, my voice growing hoarse. James and Sirius didn't say anything. They let me scream and cry always keeping their hands on my shoulders.

When I had finally quieted, James said, "We should get some chocolate in you. There's nothing some Honeyduke's can't cure."

I sniffed, "You're not afraid of me? You're not abandoning me?"

Sirius smiled, "Why would we do that? You're not planning on doing anything like that are you James?"

"Not at all Sirius. I wonder where Remus gets these ideas?"

"Must be all those damn books."


	4. Cigarette Kisses

Sirius POV

I took one more swig of my coffee and felt myself relax a little. Despite everything that was going on it was nice to talk about Hogwarts, about James. Remus was stirring his tea, a little misty-eyed.

"Were you scared?" Remus looked up at me, "When you walked into the shack?"

I reached across the table and took Remus' hand and he didn't hesitate before taking it. There weren't many people in here. "The noise you were making was crazy. It was so loud and painful sounding. That scared me more than seeing you. You were bleeding and whimpering." I talked slowly, remembering walking in on Remus crying on the floor of that house, "You looked so sad and like you were in so much pain. And as you turned back, I got how much pain you were really in. The shit that you do to yourself when you turn, I have no idea how you walk around like a sane person afterword."

I paused. I watched Remus take a deep breath.

"It gets hard, I guess. Forgetting is the worst part. It happens so fast but then all of a sudden I have no idea where I am or who I am. And then I get angry. Just so mad about everything. I think something inside me remembers that I am a person, that I'm Remus."

I had never heard Remus talk about what happens to his mind during his transformation. I just nodded, trying to make it seem like I wasn't shocked.

"Sorry," Remus broke eye contact with me, "That was a lot just to spill out…"

"No, that's ok."

Remus smiled, blushingly.

"What?" I laughed at his flustered face.

"I was just remembering the first time we kissed."

It was my turn to be flustered, "Ah. That."

Remus blushed harder, "We were really young, but it was very sweet."

"It was just a week or two after we found out you were a werewolf, right? And...

Rain spattered against the common room window. The candles were almost completely gone. Remus had been reading all night and I had been mucking about trying to do homework having one cigarette after another. I had noticed something about Remus after we had figured out the fact he was a werewolf. He had calmer, joked around more and was also sitting closer to me. Maybe that meant he felt the same as I did-maybe I'm just being really stupid.

"Remus," I whined putting my boots into his lap, "Why do you read so damn much? We should hang out."

"I thought we were," He laughed, drawing his eyes away from the book, "You were watching me read while you smoked and didn't do any homework."

"Remus, I thought we talked about this. _Howl _will I ever be the same?"

"Are you kidding me?" Remus laughed, "That has to be the worst one yet."

"I'm doing my best mate!" I smiled. Remus continued to laugh and at one point his hand landed on my leg near my knee. I looked down at it, feeling his hand on my leg made me almost giddy. _Shit. Shit. He doesn't like you like that, stop fucking with yourself. _

Remus looked at his hand and then met my eye. He quickly drew it back, "Ha-ha. Sorry." He looked away, blushing. _He's blushing goddamn it. _

"No, uh, it's fine," I tried to laugh it off. There was a moment of silence that seemed to expand making everything very, very awkward.

"Sirius?" Remus said after a minute. There were tears in his eyes.

"Woah, hey," I pulled myself up and sat next to him, aware of how close we were and his empty hand on the couch.

"There's something I kinda wanted to talk to you about," Tears rolled down his freckles.

I moved half an inch closer, "Sure. Sure, what's up?"

"Well," He ran his hands down his jeans. Why was he so nervous. My heart started to beat faster. Shit. "You know what, it's fine. I'm fine."

Remus stood up and whipped his eyes.

"Wait, no way are you walking away and not telling me." I stood up too.

"No, Sirius. Sorry, I thought," He said with his back to me, "Sorry, I'm just gonna go to bed." Remus began to walk away. _Now or never. I'm so fucked. _

"Wait!" He stopped, "Remus I kinda have an idea what you wanted to say."

Remus turned around, "What?"

"Maybe I'm totally wrong but," I took a step closer. "You notice something."

He took a step towards me. Now we were only a foot apart, "Notice what?"

I looked at his blue-grey eyes that made me feel like an idiot and fearless all at once, "I'm not really good at this stuff..."

"Sirius," Remus smiled. We were now inches apart. "Look, we-I'm, I just wanna-"

I grabbed his waist and pulled him closer to me so we were almost touching, "You talk to much." And I pressed out lips together. Remus took a moment to flail his arms before placing them on my neck. I smiled and pulled him even closer, wrapping my hand around his back. It had been forever since I realized I had these kinds of feelings for him and now here he was kissing me.

Remus broke away, "Shit." He laughed and didn't take his hands from my neck.

"He curses?" I smiled.

"What do we do now?" Remus was raspberry and turning redder.

"I mean maybe we could kiss again?"

"Very well."


	5. Secrets in the Light

Remus POV

Sirius finished his story, and I was blushing in spite of my efforts to look calm. Sirius was chuckling at my blushing.

It was like that for a moment before we remembered where we were.

I looked at Sirius. His face darkened as he said, "Just for a second, the tiniest second I forget. I forget that they're gone. None of it seems real. James and Lily being gone. It seems so weird. It feels like yesterday we were joking around or with Lily in the delivery room holding Harry for the first time. I can't really-" He looked down at his empty coffee mug.

"It's ok," I reached across the table and took his hands in mine, "We're all trying to figure it out, to wrap our heads around it. To miss them is weird. James and Lily and everything that came with them."

He let my words hang for a moment before whispering, "Damn it."

"Did I ever tell you about when Lily figured out we were dating?"

Sirius nodded his head no, smiling a little.

"It was before the coming out to James and the whole thing at your house. She and I were friends at this point. It was the day after the Regulus thing. You were so freaked out and we were so busy with James' valentines thing, I didn't end up telling you but- Well we were outside. It was one of those weird days in February where the weather would hit like 50 degrees for a day. We had a free period and were sitting outside…"

Underneath a tree by the lake, I was sitting with Lily trying to finish a Transfiguration essay but not having much luck. We were really enjoying a rare day of really warm weather that wasn't wet and I was trying to ignore the whole Regulus ordeal that had happened last night.

"Remus," Lily sighed, "I'm still struggling with this. If you use this charm on a cat it should change color but that's not what the book says." She huffed her red hair around her shoulders, her freckles standing out sharp against her flushed cheeks.

I looked at her loopy notes, "It's the second one on the list, for color changes. It has almost the same same as the foot charm. Unless you want a cat with duck feet and not blue fur, use the second one."

She giggled, "Do you ever feel like a cat with duck feet?" She looked out on the lake.

I closed my book, "No. Well, what do you mean?"

Lily sighed. A group of people loudly laughed a few yards back. We looked to see Sirius, James, and Peter marching across the grounds followed by a few other six-years. They were carrying something heavy. I caught Sirius' eyes. He winked at me and with his free hand, messed up his hair. He knew exactly how to play with me, to make me blush and embarrass myself. I could feel Lily's eyes on me. She was also blushing. James at this moment looked suave and casual as he leads the group of six-years.

"What were you saying," I turned away from them, "About a duck feet."

Lily turned around, "Right." She was flustered. "Yeah, like you're awkward and you're odd and there's something missing to you because you've made a mistake or you've kept a secret or the world is against you." She looked at me with her green eyes wishing for an answer.

"I've definitely felt that. Feeling out of place and weird, like you're some creature to be ogled at."

"Is that because you're gay?" She said, simply, "Or because you're a werewolf?"

Double stunned. I hadn't told her either of those things. I stuttered for words to deny it.

"Calm down. I'm not an idiot. I don't mind either." She smiled, her slightly wonky front tooth poking out.

"When did you know?" I gasped, feeling a little dizzy. "You can't tell anyone, Lily please."

"I won't I promise. The gay thing I've known for a while. Sorry to say, but you're bad at hiding your feelings. Sirius right? He's the one you've got a crush on?" I nodded. "Gosh, you're blushing! I think it's sweet. And the werewolf thing was recent. We've been friends for a while and you're always sick once a month. It only took a little while to check my theory and I was right. It was always around a full moon."

"And you're not afraid of me?"

"Don't be ridiculous. You're not scary at all." She laughed, "You probably fold your socks."

I had heard that line before. My chest untightened a little. I was glad she knew. We sat for a moment taking in the rare sunny day.

"When you were talking earlier, were you thinking about Severus?" I asked, breaking the easy silence between us.

Lily's eyes darkened a little, "Part of it yes. I wish he wasn't so different now. He used to be kinder. He began hanging with such a weird crowd and picking fights with me. He got meaner. But I still miss him sometimes and I wish the whole school didn't know our business."

"He still cares about you though," I sighed, "I think maybe he was jealous of James. That's why he got all weird."

"James wasn't very nice to him, but James apologized to Sev and to me. If Sev has an issue he should talk to me about it."

I nodded. It all came to a head a few months ago, after Christmas. Severus and Lily had gotten into a shouting match outside the great all and he was being really harsh with her, almost scary. James stepped in and apologized to Severus, said he should be mad at him, not Lily.

Lily seemed to be replaying this in her head as she said, "I don't know how I feel about James now. After what he did, after he tried to protect me like that."

"Like you need protecting." I smiled.

"Well, I did then. He's still a pompous ass, but maybe he's a pompous ass with some heart." She shook her head, "I cannot believe how cheesy that just sounded."

"Yes it was very cheesy, but I think you know how you feel you're just a little scared of it."

"Maybe."


	6. Valentine's Day

Sirius POV

"Lily was so good, about everything. She tried so hard to be a good person." I sighed.

"I know. She loved James so much. Their wedding, even you cried." Remus chuckled, us both remembering the dewy summer night.

"I was best man, it wouldn't have been right if I didn't shed a tear or two."

"Ha, well then. You remember the surprise right? Valentine's day thing for Lily?" Remus' eyes brightened.

"That? We spent so long ordering all that stuff. Until the morning came…

Chilly again. I got up and stretched, remembering it was Valentines Day. I felt a little guilty. With all of us prepping for James' big show for Lily, I hadn't thought about Remus' gift at all or what I wanted to do. Well, I knew I had some idea but maybe not right now, with all of the Regulus stuff going on. I headed to the bathroom.

I'm not good at big romantic gestures, I thought as I brushed my teeth. Remus is so good at this kind of stuff and here I am like an ass with nothing to do. I could ask James, but he'd want to know who for and that would just be stupid. I spit into the sink.

Remus stumbled into the bathroom, yawning.

"Morning," He said his voice hoarse from sleeping. He came and put his arms around me, under my shirt. "Cold," He mumbled, half asleep.

"Hey there sunshine," I murmured kissing the top of his head. I put my arms around him and held him there, drinking in his warm, light scent.

He smiled against my chest, "Happy Valentines Day,"

"Happy Valentines Day baby."

We heard footsteps coming towards the bathroom and we jumped apart. Remus grabbed his toothbrush and I turned the water on.

"Hey guys," James sauntered in. He looked us up and down, quizzically, but then said, "Are you guys ready for the big day? I'm nervous."

"Calm down James, you'll be fine," Remus said around his toothbrush.

"She'll either die of fright or even worse say yes!" I joked. James rolled his eyes and flicked his towel at my legs.

"Be in places at 9," He smirked as he went into the showers.

The water turned on, loud. Remus let out a deep breath, "That was close," He whispered.

I nodded, "I wanna tell him."

"Me too." Remus gave me a small, sad smile.

It was 8:58 and I was sitting with James and Peter in the Great Hall, waiting for Lily and Remus to make an appearance.

"Peter stop fidgeting, you're gonna make James have an aneurysm." I laughed.

"Sorry, sorry!" Peter's watery eyes flicked about, "I'm just so excited."

"James, mate," I noticed his face, "You're looking a bit green there. Wanna back out? Just call it a day? It's only a girl."

James raised an eyebrow, "Shove off Padfoot, she's not just a girl."

I knew how much James loved her and by the look on his face, I knew I had to calm him down, "I know. I know, sorry mate. Look here they come. It'll be fine."

Lily and Remus came around the corner, Lily laughing, putting her red hair up into a bun as she walked.

"It's now or never baby." James waited for Lily and Remus to be a yard away from us when he stood on the table. I adjusted the fireworks under the table and Peter produced a bouquet of flowers.

Lily stopped short, seeing James on the table and to my surprise, she smiled. Remus wasn't looking at James or Lily, but at me. He was grinning. We were both excited for James, no matter what was going on or how it ended up.

James put his want to his Adam's apple and said, "Hello everyone. Sorry to intrude upon your breakfast. I know McGonagall, I'll be done in a moment. Enjoy your juice professor." This sent a ripple of laughs across the room. "Now as all of you know, Valentine's Day is upon us and I am left without a date." Whistles were heard from the Ravenclaw and Gryffindor tables. "You see this girl, she's quite a catch," More whistles here. I was laughing at James and he threw me a wink. He was in his element, James in front of a crowd. I saw Snape get up from across the room and head towards the door. "Right, she's beautiful but for some reason, she just won't go out with me. And so I got to think why Lily Evans wouldn't go out with me and I knew, to be able to catch a girl like that you gotta put on a show!"

I lit the fireworks, Peter lighting the other set. They burst and fizzed around the room. Bright colored sparks, blue, purple, red, orange, green rained down onto the students. They popped and fizzed, fanfare music sounding around the room. Students cheered as sparklers danced around their heads. Dumbledore was clapping, McGonagall barely hiding her smile. James relished in the happy chaos, his eyes fixed on Lily. Her eyes were shining in the light. James took the flowers, all Lily's of course, from Peter and put his wand back to his throat, "So there Lily Evans! Here's what I got! Now, the big question ladies and gents; Will you go out with me?"

Lily strut up to the table as James jumped down, "Damn Potter, you just had to ask." She smirked.

"She said yes!" James boomed. The hall erupted in cheers. James presented the flowers to Lily and gave her a hug.

"I know this isn't your thing Lily, but maybe you'll see how much I like you," James said.

"I think I do. I also said yes, so you can make your assumptions about how much I like you. Let's go for a walk." She took his hand. James looked giddy as he and Lily strolled out of the Great Hall.

Remus sat down next me laughing, "Well it worked. He got her to say yes."

"And all it took was a hell of a lot of planning, Dumbledore's signature, a butt load of fireworks and a small amount of luck," I chuckled, "Imagine their marriage proposal."

Remus smiled as he and I got a few claps on the back from a few other six-years boys claiming, "That was bloody brilliant!" "Fireworks at breakfast, mate. Maybe that'll work with Eileen." Or Mary. Or Louise.

Once they had cleared away, Remus and I were mostly alone at the table. Peter, being as nervous as he was, slipped away in the crowd of people.

"So," Remus smiled cheekily at me.

"So what?" I smirked back, by my chest got all tight. It was Valentine's Day and I was empty handed.

"It's Valentine's Day, it's a Saturday, what would you like to do to me?" Remus blushed furiously, "I mean _with _me. Sorry, no that's not- I mean, if you had plans I-"

Damn, he looked so cute sitting there all flustered and blushing. "Well, Remus seems like you've got our day planned out."

He thumped me on the shoulder, fake annoyed, "Sirius you know that's not what I meant."

"I'm disappointed then," I smirked. Remus rolled his eyes.

"Boys?" McGonagall tapped me on the shoulder which made us both jump.

"Mornin' Professor," I did my best to act natural, scooting a farther away from Remus on the bench.

"What a wonderful display this morning hmm?" She said without smiling.

Remus still had a pink tint to his cheeks as he interjected, "We had permission from Dumbledore ma'am."

"Oh I'm sure that you did, but that is not why I am standing here now. Dumbledore would like to see both of you in his office within the hour. Please come alone and there will be no need to tell Mr. Potter or Mr. Pettigrew."

My heart began to beat like I had just run around the quidditch pitch.

"Good morning Professor," Remus said his voice shaky.

"Good morning Mr. Lupin. Mr. Black" She gave us a small smile as she hurried away, obviously, her attention had been caught by some rule breakers.

"Shit. Shit. Shit. Shit," I turned to Remus.

"You think he knows?" Remus worried the end of his sweater.

"How could he? We've been so careful except for-"

"Regulus. He said he wouldn't tell anyone. Sirius what if we're expelled?"

"Remus, baby c' mere," I took his hands in mine. I didn't care if anyone saw, even though the hall was mostly empty. "Dumbledore might just want to talk to us about how we can't pull anything like this again or-"

He held my hands tighter, "Being- Being what we are isn't illegal anymore but it's still really dangerous. People get beaten up and I've heard of people getting expelled."

"From Hogwarts? With Dumbledore as headmaster?" I scoffed. I knew he wouldn't do this to us.

"From other magical schools. Why do you look like that?"

I chuckled, "Well I don't know if you've noticed but I think Dumbledore and ourselves might have more in common than you think."

"Wait, no way?" Remus smiled in spite of himself, a nice change from his pained worried expression.

"You didn't know?" I teased, "I thought it was obvious?"

"Well maybe I'm completely dense. But there are rules. He'd have to tell the board," He checked his watch, "Crap we've gotta go see him."

We got up and began to make our way to Dumbledore's office. We passed a few people who said hello and congratulated us on the fireworks. Remus got paler the more people talked to and the closer we got, I really wanted to take his hand. I jumped up the stairs, trying to seem like nothing was wrong.

We got to the door and I paused, "Everything is gonna be ok," I folded Remus into my arms, "I'm not gonna let anything happen to you."

"Thank you. I-I love you." Remus lifted his head from my chest and smiled at me, his eyes shining.

"What?" My breath hitched. I'd never felt so happy. Nothing could touch me.

I held his slender frame in my arms as he whispered, "You heard me."

"I love you too," I smiled back, giving him a tiny peck on the lips, "Now let's fucking do this."

The bronze eagle obliged, turning to reveal Dumbledore's office door. My head was dizzy. Remus loved me back.

I pushed open the heavy brass door, to see Dumbledore standing at a perch with a large orange and red bird was stood. The office was circular, covered in bookshelves with giant books with titles in languages I'd never heard of. Remus stood close to me in the low light.

"This is my phoenix," Dumbledore said, not looking at us, "They live for about 25 years and then die, bursting into flame. It seems like the end, all has gone wrong but then a baby phoenix is born from the ashes. There is a second chance, a new life," He turned to us, "Do you understand?"

I nodded. Remus replied, "Yes, professor."

He motioned to two chairs in front of his desk, "Please, sit. Would you like some tea? I've recently been quite partial to chamomile with just a touch of honey."

"I'm alright Sir," I smiled trying to seem calm like I wasn't caught.

"I'd have a cup," Remus was also trying to seem casual, "Thank you."

Dumbledore poured the tea, "So, it seems there something I would like to speak to the both of you about."

I held my breath.

"What would that be professor?" Remus said, taking his tea. The cup and saucer shook in his hands.

"It has come to my attention you two are, well let's not beat around the Hippogriff here, more than friends?" He said nonchalauntly.

"Um sir, I'm not sure where you got that idea," Remus began. Dumbledore smiled faintly, his blue eyes seemed to be x-raying the both of us.

"Mr. Black?," He looked to me, "What do you say?"

"It depends sir," I looked at Remus, "On what your reaction would be if it were true."

Dumbledore nodded, "I'd have to say I'm quite happy for the both of you."

Remus grabbed my hand, "Sir?"

"Yes, I know the amount of fear and anguish that comes with hiding a secret like this, but finding a person in the middle of all of that can be a saving grace." He motioned to our hands, "My opinion, however and unfortunately, is not shared by the greater Wizarding Community. I must advise caution to you both. Stay close to each other and protect each other."

I held Remus' hand tighter, my knuckles were almost white. I hadn't expected this and as happy as I was, one idea wouldn't shut up.

"Thank you Sir. Of course, we will." Remus let out a shaky breath.

I opened my mouth and then closed it. Both of them looked at me. "Sir, how did you find out? Was it my brother?"

"No it was not young Regulus. Professor McGonagall had noticed a few things between you two and thought for your safety I should say something to you," He noticed our faces, "Oh there is no need to be alarmed, she is quite nonjudgmental. She's a lot kinder than you students seem to realize, but maybe you four know that already."

"We do." I smiled.

"Wonderful. Now please go enjoy this most lovely day. Goodbye!" He waved us out of his office. I jumped up, took Remus' hand and sped towards the door.

"Thank you, Professor!" We both called, as we ran out.

In the hallway, Remus paused right outside the door and looked at me. I burst out laughing and so did Remus. He jumped into my arms and I spun him around.

"My god," He said into my ear as I continued to spin him, "I'm so happy!"

I put him down, "Me too."

"Happy Valentine's Day," He put his hands on my shoulders.

I pulled him closer to me, "Happy Valentine's Day."

He put his hand behind my head and pulled me down to kiss him. I could feel him smiling as I held him as close to me as I could.


End file.
